I don't know if anyone's ever told you, or if you've ever thought the same thing at some point, but life can be very, very frustrating, difficult and confusing at times.
I'm not looking for pity, but I've struggled recently. I feel kind of lost. Not that I don't have anything to do, because I'm plenty busy, but just lost amongst everything. There's so much on my mind at the moment and I think at the forefront of it all is God.
Anyone who knows me knows what I believe. I'd rather call myself a follower of Christ than Christian but the latter is easier to use in conversation so I'll run with that for the sake of typing. I remember being asked when I was a bit younger whether being a Christian makes life easier or harder. I don't think there's a definitive answer. But at the moment, it seems so complicated.
I'm sure I'm not the first or last to have what I call a 'pagan point', that point in time where you just have no desire to follow what you believe. But I have most definitely had one recently, and am probably still in one if I think about it. I want to know where I fit into my youth group, my church, God's plan for everything. In the past, I've found that God sometimes pulls away - keeps himself at a distance, for example - in order for us to be tested. How we respond is up to us. Maybe I'm going through one of those points at the moment.
It seems like I can't even get the motivation to do the small stuff right. I haven't read my bible or been to church on a Sunday night recently because I just feel like I don't want to be around something I don't understand when everyone else seems to be getting it, even though they're probably struggling with their own stuff too.
The thing is, I WANT to want it. I want to feel that enthusiasm and have the desire to go to church and help the kids at youth and invest in their lives, or be a conduit for God to move in them. But I just feel confused instead, and conflicted. I need God to rescue me, and soon, because I don't have the strength in me to do it alone. I'm not enough to save myself.
I'm searching for that moment, God, if you're listening - I could use a hand if you've got one spare.
*supportive hugs*
ReplyDeleteI'm always around if you need to talk!
God always answers our calls. 'Seek and you will find', right?
ReplyDeleteIf you're struggling, Adam, then there is a reason why and God knows what it is. I guess when I come to crossroads such as this in my own walk, I always turn to Christian friends for help, and they always point me toward the Bible.
Here's a passage that I always find encouraging when I'm feeling weighed down, and I hope you will find it so too:
"1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
Hebrews 12:1-3
Don't read the Bible or go to church because you feel like you should. Do it because you want to. And sit down and talk to Christian friends about this because they will stick out a hand and pull you up and walk with you towards your goal.
God bless :)
Sorry to hear you're feeling down, Adam. I hope you find the strength you need and soon :) You know you've got a big support network of excellent people to whinge at at will.
ReplyDeleteAww Adam, this post is so sad! If you need anything, like someone to talk to, you've got us friends. I hope things get better soon.
ReplyDeleteInstead of offering support like everyone else (which of course goes without saying) I will merely express surprise (and I suppose honour) at being one of your 365 photos:
ReplyDeleteWHAAAAAT